Bella, Jasper and Emmett, In the House!
by Oh Inverted World x
Summary: Edward is away for the weekend and leaves Bella in the protection of his brothers. The issue of privacy is out, with an empath and an Emmett. Just weird randomness... Jasper cant cook, Emmett is weird, and Bella is going mad. Oh and rape is bad.
1. The Truth

**Thank you for clicking my story. I do not own Twilight, but I could, If I wanted to………**

I hate it when Edward goes away hunting… and leaves me to be baby-sat by his brothers. There is noting worse. Well, I suppose if he left me with Rosalie, that would be bad, but what are the chances of that ever happening? Null.

Emmett is so mean. I mean, I love him and all, but he just has this magical ability to annoy the heck out of me. Always making fun of me, and laughing when I trip and fall, even though that is no laughing matter. I have a serious disorder- its called ICD- Involuntary Clumsiness Disorder. it's a real disorder with doctors and medicines.

And Jasper. I think I bore the hell out of him. He always looks so… indifferent. He must really hate having to baby-sit me when Alice is away.

I was sitting on the couch. Trying to watch TV, but I was really just missing Edward, so much. It killed me to be away from him. But he'd be away all weekend… and I was stuck here with his brothers. Joy.

Jasper walked in to the room, obviously going to keep me company, but then sensed how I was feeling (doom and gloom, Edward wasn't here…) and turned right back around. *sigh*. I could really empty a room…

I turned back to watching Cops. Some idiot was trying to run from the cops, carrying a stolen bike and a melon. Some people were just plain stupid.

Emmett lumbered into the room with a cocky smile on his face. He sat down beside me.

"Hey Bells. Were going to do something fun!" he said. "Jazz is making you lunch. This is going to be the best weekend EVER!" he sounded like a child on Christmas Eve. Why he was so excited, I have no idea.

"Umm okay, Emmett, what do you have in mind?" I said sceptically.

"Were going to play a game. Well, sorta. Were going to play a lot of games! But in order for us"-I suppose when he said US he meant ME- "to have the most fun, there is to be no lying. Agreed?" he stuck out his hand for me to shake. This wasn't a good idea. He was going to make me do things that I didn't want to, I knew it. I shook his hand reluctantly. His features became grave. "and don't even THINK about lying. Jasper can tell." I nodded. I didn't dare disagree with him.

"So Bella, what do you hate most about Edward?" he asked. Oh no. I had a feeling that he had worse questions in store. "its his virginity, isn't it?

I started to stutter out a "no" but Emmett interrupted me.

"Hear that, Jasper? Bella hates Edward because he's a virgin!" he yelled. Jasper appeared at the doorway immediately.

"That's not very nice, Bella." he said disapprovingly. "I thought better of you."

I flushed a deep cherry red. "That's not what I said…" I mumbled. I'm sure Jasper could feel my embarrassment, as a huge wave of calm hit me. I turned to Emmett. I was confident and I didn't feel like myself. Jasper was smirking.

"What was the most embarrassing thing you've ever done in bed? I blurted out. Jasper howled with laughter, and Emmett looked shocked. I blushed again on realising what I had said.

"Bella…" he said, shocked. Then he smirked. "I have never done anything embarrassing in bed. Just ask Rose." he went to High-5 Jasper, but Jazz ducked and said "You're lying!"

"Am not!" Emmett laughed. But I saw he looked a little uneasy…

"Go on, Em, I'm not playing if you keep lying!" I pouted.

"Okay, okay." he began. "Remember when we were living in Montana? Well, me and Rose were out for a stroll on a rainy day. Rose had watched The Notebook the night before, and had become obsessed with kissing in the rain. So we were out the outback of nowhere, and she started kissing me, like way passionately. I knew she would take it further, and I didn't fancy actually DOING it out a country road in the rain. But the only thing in the vicinity was an old barn…

"So I grabbed Rose and we went into said barn. It was quaint, the usual hay bails and a cow or two. So we were there… doing things… and we were so caught up in the moment that we didn't hear the humans approach. It was an old farmer with his two young granddaughters, each with an armful of kittens. The kittens all started screeching and clawing at the little girls, and the humans just looked… shocked.

"it took a lot of explanation and a hefty bribe to convince him not to press charges." Emmett looked slightly proud of the memory, in a twisted way.

I looked at him in silence, and Jasper was giggling.

"So that's why we moved!" he laughed. "And why Edward got that Aston Martin from Rose, 'as an act of kindness'!"

Suddenly Jasper darted into the kitchen.

"Darn!" I herd him yell.

"Way to go, retard!" Emmett yelled. Then he turned to me. "he burned your lunch!"

"Its still okay, its still okay!" I heard him chanting. I giggled.

A sullen looking Jasper entered with a burnt plate of what looked like chicken and burnt salad.

"Jasper, you're not supposed to out the salad in the oven!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, Jasper, you suck!" Emmett backed me up. Jasper pouted. I felt bad

"Its okay, Jazz, ill make my own lunch!" I comforted.

"Yeah, Jazz, she'll do it herself! You're such a skrew up!"

So I went into the kitchen Emmett in tow.

"Can I help? Can I? can I ?" he said, like a child.

We tried to make a lasagne, but Emmett kept throwing out all the foods that had 'gone off'. he said they all smelled funny, but didn't all human food smell bad to vampires? We ended up microwaving pizza. Emmett insisted on pressing all the buttons.

I sat at the table, Emmett had gone off to do his own thing with Jasper. I knew this was going to be a long weekend…

I noticed that the house was quiet… too quiet. I listened very closely, and I swear I heard Emmett snickering an Jasper tittering on the second story. I went up to investigate.

It seemed the noise was coming from Edward's room.

"Hey, Jazz, listen to this one. 'Dear diary, Edward is soooo dreamy. I'm so lucky to have him. But it is annoying how he never wants to touch, or be intimate. A girl has needs…'" he broke off laughing.

"Em, listen to this, 'it's cool how Edward wants to protect his chastity and all, but sometimes I just want him to be a bit more free, like Emmett…' Aha, Emmett, I think Bella has a crush on you!" I felt red rage colour my cheeks. I burst in the door. The boys were sitting cross-legged on Edwards bed, with my diary between them, and big grins on their faces.

"WHAT THE HELL?!YOU'RE READING MY DIARY!"

Jasper flinched at my anger, and Emmett winked at me and shot up towards the window.

"Look at me Bella! I'm free!" he said as he smashed through the second story window, still with my diary in his hand. I was mortified. I turned to Jasper.

"See ya!" he said, sending a wave of lethargy towards me, and darting past me into the hallway.

I was so angry that I couldn't move. The rage had physically paralyzed me.

Only two more days of this. Only two more days.. I thought to myself, sinking into the foetal position. Two more days…

**Haha, so watcha think?? Tell me, review, and if you have any suggestions, I will gladly take them:) What will they get up to next?? you decide!!**

**Stay cool xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	2. Why Are You Recording me?

**This chapter is dedicated to Keybe, who is a super awesome writer btw, you should check out her stories! thanks for the super idea! I had severe writer's block:) so thank yaah!**

**Oh and the song that I was listning to while writing this chap was 'I'm Not Alone' By Calvin Harris. It kinda suited at the time, in a twisted way:) **

I don't know how long I sat on the floor of Edward's room. I didn't even hear Jasper enter, and I jumped when I felt his cold touch on my shoulder.

"Bella?" he asked timidly. "I'm sorry about before. Can I make it up to you?"

I turned to him. He did look awfully sorry… but then again Emmett was still on the loose with my secret diary, and Jasper was partially to blame. But I decided that he was sincere. I felt very trusting.

"Sure thing, Jazz. What are you thinking?"

"Well Emmett feels rotten about it all as well. So we've made you muffins, as a, you know, truce. There is no reason that we can't all get along here. I mean, its only three days. We have to learn to live together peacefully." I was impressed with his civility. I smiled warmly at him.

"You're forgiven, Jasper. Its okay!"

He led me down the stairs, into the kitchen. I was greeted with the rich aroma of baking and icing.

As I walked in the door, I saw Emmett, wearing a pink apron, putting icing on little blue muffins.

"Blueberry? that's my favourite! How did you guys know? Awh, you guys are the best!" I gushed, hugging Jasper awkwardly. Emmett looked over at me and grinned evilly. Suddenly I was suspicious… Emmett in the kitchen…?

"Here you go, Bells!" he bellowed, tossing a muffin in my direction. It hit off the tops of my fingers as I tried to catch it, but thankfully Jasper caught it and handed it to me. I took a big bite, I had to admit that it did look absolutely mouth watering, but spat it out instantly.

"What the hell is this?!" I yelled. "This tastes like hobo puke! Gawwwwwid!" Emmett looked at me, hurt.

"You… you don't like m-my muffins?" he snivelled. I felt a pang of guilt, and glanced over at Jasper who was whistling to himself, looking out the window innocently.

"No, I don't! what the hell did you put in them?! Crap-flavoured " I screeched, as my mouth started to burn.

"Nothing! I followed the recipe, and then I just made some minor adjustments…"

"What minor adjustments?! WHY IS MY MOUTH ON FIRE?!" my mouth felt like someone had first sliced the inside of my mouth up with a razor blade and then poured chilli sauce into the cuts… wait, chilli sauce!

"EMMETT CULLEN DID YOU PUT CHILLI SAUCE IN THE MUFFINS?!" I shouted. He grinned.

"You noticed? Was it worth it?" he smiled. I rushed over to the sink and stuck my mouth under the cold tap until the fire stopped.

When the fire stopped, I turned to Emmett once again.

"Did you even read the icing?" he pouted. I walked over to the tray of muffins, an was shocked over what was written on them in neat, pink icing.

Small extracts from my diary, all written very legibly. Extracts about my feelings for Edward, as in ALL of them! Even the ones I don't say out loud, oh god, why, oh why, did Emmett have to be so intrusive?

"I HATE YOU!" I yelled, smushing up the muffins with my fist and then stormed up the stairs.

I ran into Edwards room. I lay down on his large bed, and buried my face in his pillows. Why was Emmett so darn mean? a few tears of frustration escaped my eyes.

suddenly I was exhausted. it was 6 o'clock on a Friday night, why was I suddenly do drained? it made no sense, but I surrendered to it. I gave myself to the soft darkness that enveloped my mind.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

I woke two hours later, with the feeling I was being watched. I propped myself up warily, and looked around, only to get the fright of my life!

There, sitting on the edge of the bed was Emmett, with a camcorder. I screamed at the sight of him, but his huge hand silenced me.

"Bella we're going to play a little game." he said, very menacingly. I looked at him, my eyes wide with fear. He dropped his hand, and brought the camera to my face again.

"Were you videoing me in my sleep?!" I asked, shocked.

"Why yes, dear Bella, you say the most interesting things," he snickered. I flushed bright red. What had I said? Oh lord, why did Edward have to leave me with Emmett? And where was Jasper….?

"What did I say?" I asked, mortified.

"Well, you did say my name a lot," he giggled.

"I was probably imagining strangling you…" I muttered.

"Yes, Bella, strangling me WITH LOVE!" he bellowed. "And you said something about Edward's 'stupid rules'? care to elaborate?" I flushed a deeper red.

"Shut up, Emmett. Is there a reason you are here bugging me?" I asked, still groggy from sleep.

"Why yes, of course! I was going to interview you, to see if you are worthy of Queen Virgin Edward," he turned the camera towards himself, "Her words not mine, see page 34 of her diary,"

"EMMETT! Stop that, I said no such thing!" I yelled. He turned the camera to me.

"So where shall we begin? I want to give this to Eddie when he gets back, he'll love it!" he grinned evilly. I scowled at the camera.

"There's no way I'm going along with this." I frowned. "Not at all."

Emmett was suddenly serious. He snapped the camera shut, and looked me in the eye.

"Bella, I'm afraid you don't have a choice. You'll do what I say, or else you wont get this,"- he waved my diary- "back ever again. So do we have an agreement?" I didn't dare disagree. Emmett was so huge, I wasn't about to defy him.

"Umm, yes. Fine," I gulped. The huge grin returned, and he snapped his fingers. Jasper appeared at the door, like a ghost.

"She agreed?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yup, and it was easier than I would have thought." he grinned wickedly and started the camera again.

"So, Bella, how are you finding the weekend so far with your favourite brothers?" he asked, sweet as pie.

I gulped, and shot Emmett a dirty look. "It's been wonderful. I've learned all sorts of things about the boys, like their amazing culinary skills, for example. I never knew that for people that didn't eat, Jasper and Emmett were such good cooks."

"See Edward?" Emmett said, turning the camera on him and a smiling Jasper. "Were taking excellent care of her!" I rolled my eyes. "And how are you feeling on Edward being gone for the weekend, leaving you?"

I was suddenly pulsing with anger. I knew it was Jasper's doing, but yet I couldn't control myself.

Why the HELL did Edward leave me? Why couldn't I just stay at my own house? I'm 17 years old, for cryin' out loud! I didn't need a freakin' babysitter!

"Quite pissed, actually," I spat. "Who does Edward think he is? I don't need to be watched 24/7! I am quite capable of lasting three days without killing myself!"

Jasper giggled, and I felt his giddiness, and I started giggling uncontrollably.

"Only foolin'! I love Eddie, yaah yaah,," I laughed.

"And what's your opinion of his status as Virgin of the Century?" he said, waving the diary where the camera couldn't see. I felt a wave of nervous energy wash over me, and I began to stutter.

"He… umm… I, uhh, it's good?" I said nervously. Emmett didn't look satisfied. "I think he should let loose. I trust him not to… umm… kill me…?"

"So you're saying that you want to have sex whenever he's around?" I flushed a deep crimson, and sighed. I felt a wave of defeat. I might as well get this over with.

"yes," I confessed.

"And you think about this a lot?"

"Yes, are we done yet?" I asked in vain hope.

"Nope, but lets move on. Boxers or briefs?" he said with a wink.

"Umm, boxers?"

"You wear boxers?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

"Not me! I don't wear…" I stopped mid-sentence.

"You don't wear what, Bella? Underwear? Are you going commando right now?"

"No! I put on my underpants this morning, as I do every morning!" oh god, why did it have to be today of all days that I decided to skip wearing underwear? Why, oh why?

"Prove it!" Jasper interjected. Oh god, he knows!

"I don't have to prove anything!" I yelled. This was only going to get worse…

"Show us!" Emmett yelled, zooming in on my burning face.

Kill me now!

"Emmett I am NOT going to show you my knickers! Leave me alone!"

"Okay, I get it, its cool," Emmett said calmly. Thank god, that could have gotten bad.

Emmett looked into the camera. "Edward, I think I should let you know that your girlfriend is one horny tiger! Not wearing underwear when spending the weekend with her boyfriend's brothers? I'd be worried if I were you! I think you should just give it to her!" he did a weird thrusty gesture at 'give it to her'. I cringed. "Back to business. Coke or Pepsi?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just answer the damn question, Bella."

"Coke," I sighed, glad that we had moved on to a less embarrassing subject.

"Alice or Rosalie?"

"Alice," Oops, did I just say that? I should have said I liked both… why give Rose another reason to hate me?

"Why?"

"I like both,"

"No you like Alice, why?" Emmett pushed. I sighed.

"Alice doesn't hate me,"

"Who is hotter, me or Jasper?" he grinned.

"Jasper," I said, only for Emmett's benefit. Emmett's face turned sour.

"This interview is over. I'm sorry, Bella, but you are fired." and he huffed out of the room, leaving me and Jasper sitting there, alone.

We looked at each other for a moment, and then Jasper just got up.

"Yeah, no, this is just awkward," he said, before stalking out.

Great, now this weekend isn't just going to be long, it will be awkward as well.

**Yeah so review, if you have any ideas, I'd love to know!**

**Review to the max, people!**

**Lots of Lovage:)**

**Blaxie**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	3. Thank you, Bikini Kill!

**I owe this story to Jassy, I love yahh hun!! (I wrote and she told me what to say!! I love her so much, she has the sickest mind!)**

**Written with love outside my house on a beautiful summers day :)**

I sat in the room by myself.

I hate Emmett. Jasper thinks I'm weird. Edward is going to hate me after hearing what I wrote about him in my diary. Life sucks. I might as well become an emo and get a big fringe over one eye and wear big shapeless black hoodies all summer…

Nah. I wasn't THAT depressed.

I sighed and lay down on the big, soft bed again. It smelled just like Edward…

My stomach rumbled. I realised that I hadn't had a decent meal since coming to this stupid house. But going downstairs would involve seeing Jasper (who must think I have a crush on him) and Emmett (who I'm not sure is even speaking to me) and I really didn't want to do that.

My stomach made another gurgling noise. There was no doubt that the boys could hear it, and I didn't want them to think I was avoiding them, so I groaned and got up and made my way to the door.

I walked slowly and cautiously to the kitchen. You never know when Emmett will jump out at you…

I got to the kitchen. So far, so good. I strolled over to the fridge, and pulled out a carton of milk and some cereal from the press. Maybe Emmett and Jasper went out… I turned around, and dropped the carton of milk, spilling it all over the floor.

Emmett was standing two inches way from me. Damn him and his stupid vampire silence!

"Hello Bella." he said shortly. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Emmett why are you in the kitchen?" I asked.

"I was… getting a snack," he said, as if it were childishly obvious. "Move out of my way, shortie."

I obliged, and got out of the way of the fridge. What was he playing at?

"Emmett, what are you at?" I said as he bent over and rooted through the fridge.

"Be quiet, Bella, this doesn't concern you."

"If you're planning on eating up all the food Esme left for me this weekend, then yes, it does." I huffed. He turned around slowly, and gave me a murderous glare.

"Relax the kacks, Bella. I'm just getting the ingredients for the ice-cream party me and Jasper are having. Oh yeah, you're invited. NOT!" he yelled, grabbing a red container and running out the door at a human pace.

I sighed and followed him. Stupid childish Emmett…

I found him and Jasper sitting cross-legged on the floor of the living room. Between them they had a Mr. Frosty ice-lolly maker. Jasper was licking a red ice-lolly, and Emmett was confusedly trying to make his own.

Jasper looked at me nervously and shifted.

"Hi, Bella… I, umm, have to go check on Esme's, umm, plants…" he said and started to get up.

"Oh calm down, Jasper, I'm not actually in love with you! I just said that for Emmett's benefit!" I spat.

"Oh, phew, Bella you don't know how much that means to me, man, you really had me going there…" he sighed in relief. Suddenly he was right beside me, with his icy arms around my neck. "Thank the good lord!"

"Umm, Jasper? Personal space," I said. I couldn't help but notice how different Jasper smelled to Edward… Jasper wasn't as full-on, but mild and vanilla-sweet, but yet had an impossible elusiveness and indefinable mystique.

He let go of me sharpish.

"So do you want an ice-lolly?" Emmett asked. "I made you one, strawberry?"

"Wait, what flavour are you eating?" I asked, eyeing the bright red lolly in his hand.

"Raspberry." Jasper answered, too quickly.

"Why aren't you puking your ring up, then?" I demanded. "Is that BLOODY ice-cream?!"

"You got us!" Emmett said. "But yours isn't blood. I swear by my life." I raised one eyebrow. "I mean, I swear by my un-death!"

"Fine, I'll have one. But if this is blood…" I warned.

"Relax," Jasper said, and I did. I took the lolly from Emmett and took a lick.

I froze, and my stomach churned as I tasted the frozen salty taste. I smelled it. Rust.

Bloody freakin' ice-cream.

"EMMETT CULLEN YOU ARE SUCH AN ASS!" I yelled. "YOU PROMISED IT WASN'T BLOOD!"

"It's not!" he said. "I swear! Would I lie to you?"

"Yes, you would, Emmett. I've had enough of this. I'm calling Edward…"

"He's not lying, Bella," Jasper said. "It's really not blood."

"I'm not stupid, guys, I know the rust-and-saltiness of blood. Oh god I'm going to puke…"

My stomach lurched and I threw up in a pot plant.

"Eww, Bella that's nasty," I heard Emmett say. "Any why would I waste the blood of the grizzly that I caught this morning in an ice-cream for YOU? You said Jasper was hotter than me! So yeah, I made you my very own '_I cant believe its not blood!'_"

"What?" I said weakly. I hate Emmett… why does he insist on making my life hell?

"Emmett…" Jasper cautioned, sensing my distress.

"What? She didn't eat anything dangerous… just seawater mixed with some rust from that old tractor down the road!"

I turned back to the plant and vomited again.

**Hiyo! Hmmm what do you think?? Sorry about the shit chapter… I'm actually stuck for ideas :S **

**Will someone please help me?? Just give a suggestion, I'm actually brain-fizzled! **

**Anyhoo, this was co-written by my bffl, Jass, I love her XD**

**Anyways, review please!! I need ideas!!**

**Love yahh!!**

**Blaxie **

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**


	4. The Backseatsman

**I dedicate this to Kjersti, for kicking my ass about not updating:) shes at her grans atm, but SURPISE! for when she gets home, hehe:)**

I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling.

Edwards bed was so comfortable. The silky sheets caressed my body as my head sunk into the downy pillows. My eyelids started to feel heavy, and I shut my eyes. This was really relaxing. Maybe this weekend wouldn't be so bad after all…

I was quickly brought back to my senses by movement on the other side of the room. I froze.

"Hello, Bella," a sinister voice came from the corner. A figure shrouded in blackness was standing there, still as stone.

"Emmett, get out of my room," I said, rolling my eyes. He was deluded if he thought he could keep doing this and scaring me.

"Awh, Bella you're no fun," came his voice from the corner.

Suddenly Emmett was perched at the end of my bed.

"Go away," I said, burying my face in my pillows. "I have to sleep. You are so annoying!"

"But Bella!" he wailed, "I'm Emmett! I'm annoying! Its what I do!"

"EMMETT!" I screamed into my pillow. I looked up to see Emmett staring at me, taking tiny licks of a small green lollypop.

"Hey are you sucking a lollypop?" I said incredulously. He kept staring at me, still licking it. "Hey stop that!"

I shut my eyes and rubbed my temples with my fingers. Emmett was so frustrating!

When I looked up again, the lolly was gone but he was still smiling at me silently, except with a white sports-headband over his black curls.

"W-what is that, a headband?" I exclaimed. "where'd you get a headband? Don't put that on!" I cried.

I shut my eyes and breathed in slowly to calm myself down.

"Oh now you have a yoyo? You don't even know how to use a yoyo! Put that away!" I said, frustrated as he let his blue yoyo drop and dangle loosely in front of him.

Why was he so annoying? The only way out of this was to play him at his own game…

I looked at him, unblinking, my expression neutral until he crumbled.

"Wana hear a joke?" he said, enthusiastically. I pretended to be interested and nodded quickly, and braced myself.

"Knock, knock," he began eagerly.

"Who's there?" I answered, smiling to myself.

"Johnny,"

"Oh hey man," I said excitedly. "Come in. Do you want a drink?"

Emmett's jaw dropped. I saw a flash of red in his eyes as he got up off my bed and walked straight out of my room.

Result!

**Hehe a small chap, I havnt updated in yonkers! **

**This would be funnier to people who have seen 'the Backseatsman'!! you tube it, then you'll get this better XD**


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